Paul Hollis’ novel, Loose Ends, from his Hollow Man series, offers some wonderful examples in its first chapter
of evoking environments.
A note in passing, even the title, Loose Ends, conveys something about the story and plot. Both a character and a situation can be
at loose ends.
Opening line...
“Life goes on,” he said, “even when you don’t want it to.”
This conveys something about the main character’s state as the story begins.
Continuing...
‘The words hung in the air, heavy with resignation, as if he uttered them not for comfort but to confirm some unwavering truth. Outside, he knew the world would press forward with its usual indifference; down in the street bus brakes screeched, car horns blared, and pedestrians and pedestrians weaved through crowds of living ghosts as the world moved on with us or without us.’
Note how clearly this evokes this place but also this moment in the narrator’s life. As readers, we are sharing this moment.
Continuing from the end of page one to page two, ‘The fading light of dusk framed his silhouette like he was a figure caught between two worlds, unwilling or unable to choose a side.’
Again, using language that evokes the inner journey of the character.
In passing, one finds the same technique in a novel like Henry James’ The Ambassador or Virginia Woolf’s To the Lighthouse.
I do advise people to pack a lunch when they start a Henry James paragraph, or with Woolf, be prepared to go to great inner depths of a character in a single sentence.
Hollis’ language is more succinct, but the goal is the same, to allow a reader to share the journey of a story.
Continuing…
A female character observes of a mug she holds, ‘The jagged lines spidering across the glaze felt like a reflection of her own fractures, small but irreparable.’
Note what this conveys about her inner life. We don’t have to wait 40 pages to discover she’s a damaged human being.
Continuing, ‘The room fell silent except for the faint ticking of a clock on the mantle, marking time with a cruelty she couldn’t bear.’
As the story advances with precision, the two characters come to a monumental decision, ‘Their presence (words) hung irreversibly like a stone dropped into deep water, sinking fast into the darkness but rippling outwards.’
Dark and deep. Lovely language that serves a dramatic purpose.
Moving to the end of the chapter, ‘The room fell into a pressing silence again, time marked only by the ticking of the clock, counting down the moments to a decision she knew she couldn’t undo.’
Note how this advances the plot and the inner journey of the characters. Each chapter in a novel should advance the story and plot.
As well, the audience is drawn forward to turn the page, the goal of a well-written chapter, a well-written paragraph, a well-written sentence.
Well done, Mr. Hollis.
One aspect of a well told story is to evoke an environment; what it feels like to be in it.
Other novels reviews by Bill Johnson are available on his website, Essays on the Craft of Dramatic Writing.
